HOW TO SUPPORT CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS AS THEY NAVIGATE THEIR EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES

Ana Caruezo Carnero (science and social communicator).

Childhood and adolescence are periods of constant change. Bodies change, relationships change, and the way we feel changes as well. In the midst of this process, many children and adolescents face challenges that may exceed their personal resources. In this context, the resilience isis a skill that is built through the relationship with other people, through secure bonds and spaces of trust, and that allows us to developing the ability to cope with difficulties, adapt, and move forward without denying one’s discomfort.

Fostering this in children and adolescents involves teaching them to recognize their feelings, ask for help, and seek solutions rather than shutting down or avoiding the problem. The key lies in combining a secure attachment, emotional skills, and opportunities to practice—little by little—with adult support.

Adult Behaviors That Help Foster Resilience

Resilience is often confused with the ability to “endure” or to quickly get over what hurts. But supporting someone in this process means validating their emotions, putting them into words, and helping them make sense of what they’re going through.

When children and adolescents feel that their distress is heard and acknowledged, their self-imposed pressure is reduced, and the possibility of learning from the experience opens up. As adult role models, we can:

• To be a model. It shows how you handle frustration, stress, and mistakes. For example, you can describe your own process to them: “This didn’t work out for me, so I’ll take a breath and try again.”

• It goes along with it without solving it. Educational, family, and community settings should not avoid conflicts, but rather support children through them without being intrusive, by providing a supportive presence, structure, and clear emotional role models.

• Have emotional conversations, respecting their pace and encouraging emotional expression without judgment. In other words, don’t force them to talk if they don’t want to, and when they do, don’t offer your opinion (“You’re too young; you’ll understand when you’re older” or “You shouldn’t do that”)—instead, work together to find solutions (“It’s normal that you didn’t feel well; maybe next time you could try…”).

• Learn to listen. Don’t downplay their feelings, and offer them reassurance. This is one of the foundations for helping them develop self-confidence.

• Acknowledge their emotions, name them (“I can see you’re very angry”), and let them know that what they’re feeling is valid, but that not all behavior is acceptable.

• Create a safe environment. With clear routines, consistent rules, a respectful tone, and a safe space to speak up without fear. If, for example, every time they tell you about a conflict, you scold them or change your tone of voice, the message they receive is contradictory: on the one hand, we encourage them to speak up, but on the other, we associate telling us about it with being reprimanded.

Support them as they face challenges appropriate for their age

When children are young, we should solve problems “with” them, not “for” them. You can:

• Ask open-ended questions such as: “What are three things you can think of that we could do?”

• Allow children to take small, safe risks (trying something new, talking to another child, doing a task on their own…) with close support.

As teenagers, we can:

• Create brief opportunities for conversation each day (in the car, during dinner, etc.) to talk about how they feel without interrogating them.

• Working on specific skills: setting boundaries, asking for help, making amends after a conflict…

Key Emotional Skills

One of the key steps toward resilience is emotional identification. Putting names to our feelings expands our range of action. Equipping children with emotional vocabulary allows them to recognize their internal states, regulate themselves better, and make more conscious decisions. To help them name what they’re feeling, we can use the following:

• A “dictionary of emotions.” Together, you can create a list of emotions using simple words and definitions. It can include basic emotions as well as more complex ones (frustration, relief, pride, shame…), adapted to the children’s age.

• Projective games (such as Dixit). Through images, stories, or metaphors, these games help children express their feelings without having to do so directly. Questions such as “What emotion does this card represent?” or “How does this character feel?” allow them to express themselves through symbolism.

• A gauge of emotions. Visualizing emotional intensity (on a scale of 1 to 10, or from cold to hot) helps children become aware of how they’re feeling and identify when they need support to regulate their emotions. It also allows them to plan ahead; it’s not the same to act when an emotion is at a level 3 as it is when it has already reached a 9.

In addition to teaching them self-regulation techniques, such as deep breathing, taking breaks, movement, music, or calming objects, we can work with them on self-observation through moments of reflection where we ask open-ended questions:

• What happened to me?

• How have I been feeling?

• What has helped me?

• What would you do differently next time?

When Emotions Run High

There are times when they may feel overwhelmed by their emotions. In these situations, it’s crucial to prioritize co-regulation over explaining or looking for solutions. When emotions are at their peak, the brain isn’t ready to reason, so we first need to reduce the intensity.

Here are some key elements to help you through these moments:

• A calm presence. Being close by and available, without being intrusive. The simple fact of not leaving already provides a sense of security.

• Rather than focusing on the words themselves, it’s important to focus on the tone of voice. A gentle, measured, and firm tone helps the child or teenager’s body to calm down.

• Validate without judging. Phrases like “I can see you’re really angry,” “This has hurt you,” or “It’s hard right now” help the person feel that their emotions are understood.

• Provide physical anchors. These can vary depending on your needs; they might include breathing together, resting your feet on the floor, or drinking water—all of which can help you reconnect with your body.

• Avoid quick fixes. This is not the time to correct, lecture, or “fix” what has happened. We’ll have time for that once things have calmed down.

Once the emotional intensity has subsided, we can then create the space to talk, reflect, and explore alternatives:

• What happened?

• What did you need at that moment?

• What might help you next time?

Supporting them in this way teaches them, through experience, that emotions do not last forever and that asking for help and having resources available is a form of self-care. Resilience is a process that strengthens emotional autonomy and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Investing in emotional well-being during childhood and adolescence fosters adults who are more self-aware, connected to themselves, and better equipped to cope with the challenges they may face.